I'm getting old....

I love my new wonderful lj layout! I would love to thank my best friend slytherinpunk for making it!

I would like to credit meg_tdj for making the awesome gifs =D


And I would LOVE to thank ilikethequiet for making the awesome header! =D

it looks so awesome... I can't stop staring at it heheh

plus of course would love to thank Anna and Castiel for being amazing lol

So- it's offical...

I am going to be an aunt... from my 16yr old lil sister...

she is 7 weeks 3 days pregnant

wtf?
seriously?

this is a whole new brand of crazy

Why do I fall for your lies each and every time?

I am so unbelievably happy

Life is going pretty good right now
outside of money stress and anything else that is normal for anyone right now

I'm genuinely happy.

He makes me feel so just wow

I don't care about the small things anymore
They don't matter to me
He makes me happy

You can't let dumb stuff get in the way of feelings

We continue to grow closer and closer

I don't even have to question

I am in love

♥

Boys don't understand what they really make us feel

They don't even think on the same level

Sometimes it can be so very irritating. . .

They are so very oblivious

I don't know how to take what he said

I'm kinda just in awe

I don't know if it's true

Or what to think

So what do you say when your best guy friend tells you he loves you?

When there's so much more to the story?

So today was my first day of school...
Or so it was supposed to be. I got up at 8 am... Ran to my mothers- showered. I got ready for work since I would be going right there from class. I go to Starbucks...Then school, only to walk in and see everyone reading a sign stating- "Classes cancelled due to no heat."

Yeah, that sucked. So I had a non first day, ha. Exhausted. Couldn't go back to sleep since I had coffee. So ran home with time to spare. Went to Verizon and got broadband internet for my laptop, yay!

Very excited. So now I have the internet, always :)

Didn't get much sleep. Work was long. Had problems with phones...

School in the am
Gotta get up at 7 am
Class is at 8...of all classes I have fuckin' Math...
Then I have work all day
Then I have Biology class from 10pm-11:55pm

Sounds very interesting doesn't it?

Tired
Gonna do some more on the net
Then bedddd time

:)

I am now 21.
Wow.... so weird. It still hasn't quite set in...

I partied a lot... got it out of my system for the big 2-1

Now it's back to being serious
I got my laptop today!!!
With my income tax...

The new macbook. I love it :)
It is my babyyyy

I start school in the am...
School from 10am-1130am then work from 1145am-1030pm... (including the drive)
how exhausting

I'm excited at the same time though

but this means I will get to update more often

Butttt
bed time...

school in the am

So life continues to get busier and busier
As well as more confusing than ever

I go for registration in the am
nervous

I got pulled over today
That was interesting
Stressful
A few words
I hate cops

Been trying to hang with friends and family as much as possible

I have become completely and utterly obessed with books
I just can't stop reading
Nor buying

I've spent more money on books lately than anything
It's really crazy

I need my own library.

It's winter already
Today was the first snow
Can't believe it

I hate the cold... wish it would never come
But luckily right after
My birthday is not far behind

The big 21
Wow

What I wouldn't give to be innocent and naive once more

Definitely has to be home made Mashed potatoes...or veggie pizza... or banana pudding.. Ok, so I love most of it? 

Hmm... What to say

ick my car is fucked up again... had a really bad day on monday- dont really wanna write about it
but had to order a new tire becasue the rim was all rusted out... after a bunch of shit happening

so yea... i get that fixed tomorrow- have been drivin on a donut... which SUCKS!

getting sick... -sigh-

Dawn's bday was yesterday! Wo0t, that was fun. Even though i had to work
had fun afterwards tho

not much to say... havent been doing very well... at all
but i guess thats all

playin with my pets... (iguana and hamster)
prolly gonna watch furngully and go to sleep

work in the am
and friday am
and saturday am

.... sucks...

but thats the update for now...

-sigh-
SO.I finally did it. I finally ended that chapter in my life that I thought would never end. Why you ask? Because I wanted to be happy, to be loved, for someone to care about it. I ached for it, I deserved it. But I wasnt any of those. Not even close. If I was, he would of called. He would have stopped it. He would have showed he cared. He would of so many things. But he didnt.

I was tired of having to make excuses. Tired of crying myself to sleep. Tired of wondering when the next time I would hear his voice would be. I'm tired of the heart break. Why me? I thought it would work, I prayed for it. But we were two different people, with two different feelings and two different hearts. It appears in the end, love just isnt enough. You need more than that to make something grow, you need caring, nurishment, tenderness, thoughtfulness... Too many things that Love can not uphold.

It hurts, so bad. TO know that I loved him so much and in the end, I recieved not even close to the feelings in return. I always knew it, I always told myself 'I love him more than he can even begin to imagine.' To me, it was love. TO him, it was a game it seemed.

Sometimes, the heart just cant take it all. It breaks too many times over. I'm tired of dealing with this, of having this feeling. I dont deserve it. Nobody does.

I just wanted to be loved. Is that too much to ask? Too much to give?

Theres not much more to say, its over. And nothing will change that. We grew apart, two differnet paths, or maybe. Our paths were never the same to begin with, I lied to myself, fooled myself into thinking I could be happy, when in the end, it was nothing of the sort.

So goodbye to that chapter. No more heartache from him. It will heal... in years to come. But thats the good thing about a heart, it can heal, and with the rigth friends, the right people, it will heal.

So here I am once again on my own, with people who REALLY love me at my side.


Thank you for showing me the way, I dont regret anything but that I wish we could of made each other happier.

Goodbye

Wow its been forever- but thats because for the most part I've been computer-less!! Thanks to my dumb sister and such, I've had to wipe my hard drive 5 times in the past week and 1/2 ... so thats been rather fun... >.>

Been working like crazy, extra hours and such.

MY mom comes to be my manager next Wednesday... oh joy for that one :)

But other than that, gotta go get ready for work now

CANT WAIT TO COSPLAY AS THE time-skip group for Ohyaocon!

Excited..

bought an ipod-nano.. love it!

but really gotta go get ready now..
ttfn!

Woo! SO I am on a roll tonight
I've already updated two of my fics... haha its been like 2 years since I did last.. and that I am terribly ashamed of.

But I'm writing again and that I am proud of myself for.
I'm kinda sick right now and I really hate being sick but theres not much that I can do about that.

Its starting to get really cold... god damnit

I got more hours for work since I made my week and stuff, so now I'll also be working Wens- 1-4:30 plus 5:30-9 and thursday 9am-12:30 plus 5:30-9
thats gonna be fun.. -_- not

I havent talked to Markus much these past 2 days, friday was his birthday, the big 20 now. And hes been kinda busy with his friends.. so what ever >.<

But yes! I updated Only Time will Tell and Blurred Futures of Magic And that is a good thing, I think im going to write a lil more before I go to sleep. Starting to get really tired and feel really ickie... and cold
but yea i just wanted to update something in here really quick ...

So lately I have been pretty good I suppose.

Still working, it can be a bitch at times but other times its cool. Mad bc ppl i really like keep leaving :(

Stayed the nigth at Dawnie's the other nigth with Heather and her.. and haha Dawn kept torturing me into writing this new story that I really wanted to do... I'm now on the 3rd chapter excluding the prologue also haha

And I decided to go through and edit a lot of my old fics bc I feel bad I know I can do better and I'm just leaving my fans there in the dark... :D

Rigth now im waiting for my damn eggs to finish boiling so I can eat egg salad sandwhiches bc Im so effin hungry heh

So lately Markus and I have been a lot better. We worked some things out which we needed. I finished Goong last nigth and it made me cry ... a lot haha but i was happy with the ending.

Now im off to eat and write hopefully!! SO wish me luck <33

♥

-sigh-
so i just really needed to vent

i hate being 'jealous'
it drives me effin crazy
but i cant help it..

Why must we be cursed with that utter feeling?
It really doesnt do us any good..
The pain, the hurt, the annoying stabbing in the heart
God, it just needs to be erased from the human emotions

i hate the human heart